I was in my 50s but my life was getting smaller, I had moved house and location, started a new job that wasn’t working out and COVID was still very much in the news; my opportunities to get to know people were limited. I had tried a few work roles and failed at each. I was also awaiting an assessment for autism to see if it would help me understand some of the struggles I had experienced in my earlier life.

I was offered 6 sessions of LEAF Listening and Guidance support through my GP which helped me to let go of the bitterness that I had felt about a past situation and to move forward without continually dwelling on it. This opened my eyes to the fact that there was hope if I was willing to trust the right people. The fact that LEAF was affiliated to the church, even though I wasn’t, offered the trust that I felt I needed.

I saw a poster for the Kintsugi Hope well-being course whilst in town one day, it peaked my interest. I went along and instantly felt comfortable with the two leaders of the course, which was unusual in itself. During the course I disclosed to one of the leaders a painful struggle I had experienced in the parenting of my children and was listened to without judgement but instead offered the opportunity to talk further about these and other feelings that had come up through the course.

In time, I got a phone call from one of the LEAF counsellors who I had already met previously and felt comfortable with. I arrived at our first session very timidly but it was different to my previous experience of counselling. In the past,  my therapist and I  would  spend ages getting to know one other by which time I’d run out of money and have to stop, or else I’d feel that the therapy wasn’t getting me anywhere.

The approach this counsellor took was one, with hindsight, that I had needed many, many years ago, working in a way that allowed me to build enough trust to reveal things about my childhood. She also seemed to get my ‘neuro-spiciness’ as I call my autism. She gave me the confidence to look at the larger context of my life, showing me how things were connected in a way that gave me fresh insight, clarity and understanding.

After concluding around a year of counselling, I was invited to repeat the Kintsugi Hope course for a second time and it enabled me to appreciate how far I had come in dealing with some of my previous life-trauma; I was now seeing some of the good parts of my old self again. I had learned to trust myself and accept that it was not my fault that my childhood had been traumatic, leaving me craving for love and attention.

I had come to Ledbury small, introverted, afraid and alone but the new strength that I was now gaining was allowing me to develop a social life, joining other groups and activities and meeting new people. With the encouragement of a friend I even started to learn to sing and to play the guitar.

Earlier this year I was finally assessed and diagnosed as autistic. I met the LEAF counsellor again to talk through the impact of my diagnosis and am now more comfortable with embracing my strengths. We also discussed how I could improve my communication with family members and lay down healthier boundaries.

I am now way more comfortable with my past and can separate the difficult experiences off so that they don’t get in the way anymore. I still have bad times, perhaps stress and depression will always be with me but by offering myself more self-value and care, I can get through. My self-esteem has improved so that I’m no longer always needing the validation of others and my sense of loneliness bothers me less. I am currently looking to change my job to one that plays to my strengths and passions.

Without LEAF I am not sure what would have happened. I would never have afforded the quality and quantity of the counselling I received. I can’t repay LEAF except by making sure that the time my counsellor spent with me is not wasted and that I continue to live my life better.